Feeling a little sketchy

It is typical for me to "doodle" in Monday morning meetings. Now just because I am drawing flowers around a punch hole doesn't mean I am not listening, but most of what is discussed isn't pertinent to me. Therefore I indulge in an adventure with my pen in order to pass the time.

Being a more concrete thinker, one who does best with clear direction and limits, I find that free expression is just not up my alley. In fact, if there were a blank canvas in front of me, I would be so afraid of unending possibilities, that I couldn't just come up with something to paint or draw.

I remember clearly how in art school one side of the building was driven by reason and order, graphic design, while the other side was lead by abstraction and imagination, fine art. You could even tell the difference in the students. One memory of my graphic design education was taking a Drawing 2 class as an elective. That experience only solidified my understanding of the major differences between these halves of the school.

I remember our first assignment. "Come in with something finished," my fine art teacher said. I immediately felt lost. Where is the direction? Where is the reason? Where do I start? And the question I had the entire semester: Where are the still lives? I signed up for this class because I do love drawing. I enjoy trying to create a replica of what I'm seeing. I admire the work of artists who can make a painting look like a photograph. I see true skill in that. So obviously, abstraction and expressing imagination gives me a little anxiety. Sadly in our class I carried that anxiety till the end. The assignments were always the same and I never had something finished to bring in. It was the greatest struggle for me. I was never able to excel inside the classroom either because we spent our class time working on personal projects, which really gave fine artists the opportunity to be free, but kept me in lock down. I couldn't help but feel out of place and the only thing I really got out of that drawing class was a watercolor skill.

I was a little ashamed of myself. I'm in the art school after all, I should be able to do this. I knew I had some talent drawing, but I just didn't know how to express anything and that somehow made me feel less of an artist. In time, I learned that there are several ways to approach art because we use our minds differently. Art doesn't always have to be a dream world, and for me, I find commercial art is just as expressive.

Yet I do crave the life of a fine artist. Mainly just to let this caged creativity free. Like most creatives in the advertising/marketing industry, I feel hindered and find it is up to me to let that imprisoned creativity out. The solution I came up with is to take my doodling to a higher level. After observing work from illustrator Daniel Merriam, I realized I don't have to be afraid of a blank page. There is nothing wrong with drawing the first thing that I think of, whether it is a cat eating food or a portrait of my niece, the beauty of art is the translation from mind to paper.

With that, I am always looking for opportunities to draw in my blank sketchbook. I find it is a necessary daily practice in a confined creative world, a treasure in the mist of chaos and as freeing as a journal. It is so personal, I love it.

All I know is now Monday morning meetings will never be the same.